A Thousand Cuts (CELL BLOCK C)

  Copyright © 2020 by Melissa Toppen

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted by U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior permission of the author.

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, establishments, or organizations, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously to give a sense of authenticity. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. This book is intended for 18+ older, and for mature audiences only.

  Editing by Amy Gamache @ Rose David Editing

  Cover Design by Sly Fox Cover Designs

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Epilogue

  Chapter 1

  Ainsley

  “Hey, Ains, you home?” my brother, Finn calls down the hallway, his voice filtering through the open doorway of my bedroom.

  “Yeah. I’m back here,” I holler back, sorting through the pile of clothes stacked on top of my bed.

  The last thing I want to be doing on a Friday night is laundry, but between work and school, I have to fit it in whenever I can.

  “I stopped and got pizza on the way home.” His tall frame appears in the doorway moments later, a square box from Maggiano’s in his hands. “Ham and pineapple, your favorite.” He gives me a toothy grin. “I hope you’re hungry.”

  “Starving, actually. I haven’t eaten anything since the granola bar I scarfed down between my Human Behaviors and Political Science classes this afternoon.”

  “You need to make time to eat.” He gives me the same look our dad used to give us whenever he was concerned about something.

  “I do make time to eat. But Fridays are my busiest days and sometimes it slips my mind.”

  “You work too hard. All I ever see you do is study, go to class, and go to work. You’re only twenty, Ains. You should be out enjoying life a little.”

  “It’s not like I have much of a choice. I have to keep my GPA up so I don’t lose my financial aid, and I have to work to pay for what my financial aid doesn’t cover. Maybe one day I’ll have the luxury of me time, but clearly right now is not it,” I huff.

  “Well, I’m sure the laundry can wait for a few minutes while you eat, yeah?” He looks at the half-folded pile of clothes in front of me before his brown eyes dart back up to my face.

  “Normally, I would say no.” I smile. “But you know I can’t resist a pineapple pizza from Maggiano’s.”

  “Well come on.” He jerks his chin upward before spinning around and disappearing down the hallway.

  I immediately abandon my laundry and follow after him.

  When I enter the living room, Finn is coming out of the kitchen with a can of Coke in each hand. Extending one to me as he passes, he takes the far end of the worn-down leather couch while I take the other, the pizza box between us. Leaning forward, I set my drink on the coffee table before lifting the top of the pizza box up and grabbing a slice.

  Even though we have a table in our kitchen, we rarely ever eat at it. Sometimes in the mornings, if I have time for a bowl of cereal, I will sit in there, but for the most part we always eat in the living room in front of the television. That’s how it was when our dad was alive and that’s how it’s remained.

  “So,” Finn grabs a piece of pizza and takes a huge bite, “how was school today?” he asks around his mouth full of food.

  “It was good. I’ll be glad when this semester is over. My course load is ridiculous. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had some BS classes but every single one I’m taking is hard.”

  “Whose fault is that?” He arches a brow at me as he tears another bite off with his teeth. “Maybe if you weren’t so hell bent on finishing your degree in three years, you could afford to take less classes.”

  “But the sooner I finish school, the sooner I can stop waitressing and start making some real money. I can’t live here with you forever.”

  “Why not?”

  “Why not?” I look around the room, taking in the faded walls and worn carpet.

  “It’s not that bad.” He reads my expression. “Beyond the fact that it’s paid off, this is where we grew up. Where every memory we have is. Our grandpa built this house, for crying out loud.”

  “Yeah, like a hundred years ago.” I take another bite of pizza. “But that wasn’t my point.”

  “Then what is your point?” He smiles, causing the sides of his eyes to crinkle.

  Finn looks so much like our dad sometimes it’s unsettling. Same tall stature. Same broad shoulders. Same dark hair and eyes. Same deep laugh. Finn even rocks the two-day old scruff the way he used to.

  It’s uncanny.

  Me, on the other hand, I look nothing like our father, with the exception of my dark hair. I’ve got our mother’s green eyes and petite features. Not that I actually remember what she looked like, considering she left when I was a toddler. But I have a couple old pictures that my dad gave me when I was younger and the resemblance between the two of us is undeniable. Kind of like Dad and Finn.

  “Well,” I comment after swallowing the bite in my mouth. “I would like to get married and have a family of my own one day. I don’t think living with my big bro is really conducive to that.”

  “I don’t know. I think my future nieces and nephews would love to live with their Uncle Finn.”

  “You’re funny.” I roll my eyes at him. “But no.”

  As much as I love my brother, I can’t wait for the day that I can afford to move out on my own. It’s nothing against him. He’s done more for me than any older brother should ever have to do. But there comes a time in every person’s life where they crave a certain level of independence.

  I want that for myself, but I also want it for Finn. He deserves to be able to live his life for him, not me. And that’s something he hasn’t been able to do since our dad passed away eight years ago. Most eighteen-year-old’s likely wouldn’t want the responsibility of raising their kid sister, but Finn didn’t hesitate.

  He had to become the man of the house overnight. He’s worked two, sometimes three jobs, for as long as I can remember. And if he had any aspirations of going to college, he shelved them because he knew there was no way he could take care of me, work, and go to school. Of course, I started helping as much as I could soon as I as was old enough. And while I don’t contribute much, every little bit helps.

  I tried to get a full-time job right out of high school, but Finn insisted that I focus on school. He really is the most incredible brother in the world, even if he does drive me crazy most of the time. I have no idea where I’d be wi
thout him.

  He says I’m this family’s future. That I’m the one that was destined for something more. More than this old, run down ranch. More than this less than desirable neighborhood. More than the life Finn seems to think isn’t good enough for me.

  I wish he could see that he’s always given me everything I’ve needed. Even if we can’t afford the finer things in life, we’ve always had enough to get by and that’s enough for me.

  Once the pizza is nearly gone, Finn breaks the silence that has fallen between us. “So, while we’re both here, I have something I need to talk to you about.” He turns toward me, tucking one of his legs under the other.

  “Okay,” I draw out, waiting for him to continue.

  “I got a phone call today and...” A knock at the door cuts him off midsentence and both of our gazes swing toward the front of the house. Finn makes no attempt to get up.

  “You going to get that?” I ask, not surprised by the interruption. It’s not uncommon for one of Finn’s buddies to show up unannounced, especially on the weekends.

  “In a minute.” His focus comes back to me. “As I was saying...” Again, he’s interrupted by another loud knock.

  “Let me just get it.” I push to my feet and quickly cross the living room.

  “Ains, wait.” Finn attempts to stop me but it’s too late. I already have my hand on the knob and am tugging the door open before he can reach me.

  I don’t understand why Finn didn’t want me to get the door. That is until my eyes land on the absolute last person I ever expected to see standing on my front porch again... Ryland Thorpe.

  A million memories slam into me. One after the other in quick succession.

  Ryland sleeping on my floor two nights in a row when I was nine after I swore there was something living in my closet. Him walking me to my first day of Junior High to make sure no one messed with me. The tree we used to climb in my backyard before we had to tear it down. How we would sit on those branches for hours talking. Him holding me the night my father died. Him promising me that he would always be there for me.

  Him breaking every promise he ever made. Betraying me in a way I never thought he would. Him going to jail. Him almost taking my brother down with him...

  He has a lot of nerve showing his face here after everything he’s done. Yet, it doesn’t stop my heart from picking up speed the way it always used to whenever he would walk into a room.

  Ryland’s even more handsome than I remembered. Then again, I was fifteen the last time I saw him.

  He’s always had an amazing build, but he looks even bulkier now. His biceps strain against the fabric of his white t-shirt. His hair now shorter than it used to be, trimmed close to his scalp on the sides while the top is slightly longer and pushed back from his face.

  He looks good, too good for someone who has spent the last five years in prison. Which brings me back to why I’m so completely thrown to see him here.

  “What the...” I draw back, confusion clear on my face as his gray eyes lock with mine.

  “Hi, Ainsley.” Ryland gives me a tentative smile, shuffling his weight from one foot to the other. “God, look at you. You’re all grown up.”

  The way he looks at me causes every nerve ending in my body to spark to life.

  “What are you doing here?” I shake my head in an effort to break the fog that seems to have settled around me.

  “I thought we were meeting up in the morning.” Finn appears at my side.

  “Yeah, well...” Ryland hesitates.

  “I take it the visit with your mom didn’t go so well?” Finn guesses.

  “I think it’s safe to say that relationship is dead. I don’t think I’ll be going back there again.”

  “I tried to tell you.”

  “I know.” Ryland blows out a breath, the action drawing my gaze to his lips. God, those lips. I quickly shake off the thought. “I didn’t want to put you out so I called a cab. I’m hoping your offer’s still good for a place to crash.” Ryland holds up the small duffle clutched in his right hand.

  My gaze whips to my brother. I’m seconds away from stating the obvious — that this man nearly landed him in prison right alongside him. But before I can form a single word, Finn looks down at me, his expression soft.

  “Of course.” His words are meant for Ryland but his eyes are on me.

  “That’s what you wanted to talk to me about?” I say instead of voicing my thoughts. “That’s why you brought me home my favorite pizza. You thought you could butter me up.”

  “Ainsley.” Finn’s brows furrow.

  “Don’t Ainsley me,” I hiss, taking a step back. “He can’t stay here.” I gesture toward the doorway, making it a point not to look at Ryland.

  “He can and he is. He’s going to stay in Dad’s old room until he can get himself sorted out.”

  “Have you lost your mind?” I draw back. “He’s a convicted felon.”

  “I’m aware.” Finn remains completely calm which only serves to piss me off more. “But he’s served his time. And he’s family.”

  “Family?” I snort. “He was selling drugs! Drugs, Finn. Do I need to remind you why our mother left?” My voice shakes. “And clearly I do need to remind you that he almost took you down with him. Why would you agree to this without talking to me? You knew I wouldn’t be okay with this.”

  “I know. But there are things you don’t know.” Finn sighs, running a hand through his hair.

  “Like what? What don’t I know?” I tap my foot impatiently.

  “Can we talk about this later?” His gaze slides to Ryland before coming back to me.

  “If he’s staying here, then I’m not.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. This is Ryland. You’ve known him your entire life.”

  “I thought I knew him,” I correct. “Obviously I was wrong.”

  “It’s fine,” Ryland injects, pulling our attention to him. “Clearly this wasn’t a good idea.” He nods at Finn. “I’ll figure something else out.” He starts to back away.

  “He has nowhere else to go, Ains.” Finn pulls me out of the doorway and back into the living room. “I know you don’t trust him, but I do. He deserves a second chance, more than most people do. Can you please, please, just trust me on this?”

  I study my brother for a long moment. Even though I want to stomp my foot like a spoiled toddler and refuse to agree, I also know that when Finn is this adamant about something, there’s usually a good reason.

  I suck in a deep breath. The last thing I want to do is agree to let Ryland Thorpe stay here, especially after everything that happened five years ago. But the look on my brother’s face tells me that I really don’t have a say in the matter. He just wants me to believe that I do. Typical Finn.

  “Fine,” I grumble, crossing my arms in front of my chest. “But if you think I’m going to forget what he almost did to you, to us, I’m not.”

  “That’s fair.” Finn smiles. “Thanks, kid.” He nudges my shoulder before heading back to the front door.

  Spinning on my heel, I make a beeline for my room, slamming the door the moment I’m inside. Pacing back and forth, I’m not sure if I want to scream or cry. Both feel like pretty good options right about now.

  Seven years. That’s how long Ryland was sentenced for his drug trafficking conviction. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Sitting in that courtroom, both furious with Ryland and terrified for him at the same time. When they read the sentencing, stating he was given the maximum for his crimes, I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or devastated. Maybe I was both.

  All I know for sure is that my life changed forever that day. I had to say goodbye to the girl I was. The girl who believed in silly fairy tales. The girl who thought one day she would ride off into the sunset with her true love. The girl who believed that Ryland Thorpe was a prince. Her prince.

  More like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

  In that one careless and selfish act, he threatened to take everything from m
e. I had already lost my mother and father. Then, the one person I thought would never hurt me, almost took my brother away from me. The only family I have left.

  I still shudder at the thought of what would have happened had they charged Finn, too. Even if he hadn’t done jail time, there’s no doubt in my mind that they would have taken me out of his care and I would have ended up in foster care, or worse – a group home.

  The fact that Ryland had put me in that position really made me see just how little he actually cared about me. I think that was the hardest part of all; realizing that the person I was secretly in love with didn’t feel the same, but that he cared so little he would put my entire life in jeopardy.

  And now he’s back. After all these years he’s here. Only he’s not the person I thought I knew. Hell, I’m not sure that he ever was. And while Finn may have chosen to forgive him, I sure as hell haven’t.

  I haven’t forgiven him for the drugs. I haven’t forgiven him for putting my brother’s future at risk. I haven’t forgiven him for leading me to believe he was someone else. But most of all, I haven’t forgiven him for breaking my heart.

  Chapter 2

  Ainsley

  Eight years ago...

  “Hey, kid.” Ryland smiles as he enters my room, flopping down on the side of my bed moments later. “What are you reading?” He gestures to the book in my hand.

  “Tiger’s Curse.” I hold the book up so he can get a good look at the cover.

  “Tiger’s Curse, huh? What’s that about?”

  “It’s about a guy who’s been cursed to live as a tiger for three hundred years by an evil king and now a girl is trying to help him break the curse. I’m not very far yet, but I really like it.”

  “Cursed to live as a tiger?” He cocks a brow at me.

  “It’s kind of like Beauty and the Beast.” I use a comparison I know he’ll get. Everyone knows Beauty and the Beast.

  “Ahhh, gotcha.” He nods.

  “Did you need something?” I ask, laying the book face down on the mattress.

  “No, I just wanted to check in. See how my favorite girl is doing.” He grins.