Where the Night Ends Page 25

  He never accepted that I would do anything but that, and had I not fought so hard to get a scholarship, he might have actually gotten his way. Because then it would’ve been his school and his way or no way at all. Hell, he likely would’ve cut me off financially altogether had he not been so worried about what other people might think.

  So, me being me, I burnt through more money in the last four years than I did the eighteen leading up to it. I maxed out credit cards on shit I didn’t need and managed to drain the account he set up in my name to damn near zero. I wish I could say I was bigger than that type of behavior, that I wasn’t stomping my foot like a child, but that simply wouldn’t be true.

  Just one of the many things I’m not proud of.

  Catching my eyes in the rearview mirror, I take a long hard look at myself and wonder what Tess would think of me now.

  She was always my voice of reason. She would have set me straight, told me to grow up and stop acting like a spoiled child, and I would have listened to her, too. But Tess isn’t around anymore and even if she were, she probably wouldn’t want a damn thing to do with me.

  The women, the drinking, my clear taste for self-destruction is not likely something she would understand.

  I ignore the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach and try to focus on the road. I’ve been thinking about Tess a lot more than usual over the past few weeks now, and it’s brought up a lot of unresolved feelings that I have.

  Maybe it’s because of graduation and knowing that all of this is coming to an end. Maybe it’s because I’ll be moving to California in just a few days having just secured an athletic assistant position working with one of the medical trainers at USC. I think I always knew I’d end up back there one day, but a part of me always thought it would be with Tess by my side. Maybe that’s what it is. Maybe that’s what has my insides in knots and my mind unable to focus on anything but the girl I left behind.

  I know it sounds crazy, how someone can have such an effect on your life in such a short period of time. But in the almost year that Tess and I were together I learned a lot about myself and what I wanted out of life.

  Truth be told, if it wasn’t for her I probably wouldn’t have had the courage to stand against my father and go after what I wanted. Not that she did anything specifically to drive that decision, but just being around her made me want to be more than what he wanted for me.

  I wanted to be my own man, to stand on my own two feet and pave my own life. Tess made that feel possible.

  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her, that I don’t wish things had ended up differently. There’s been a hollow feeling in my chest since the moment I let her go, and no amount of women or booze could ever fill it.

  Which leads me to the real reason why I’m so nervous about facing this next phase in my life because I think I’m finally realizing that I don’t want a future without Tess. And that scares me more than I thought it could.

  I try to push the thoughts away as best I can, slapping on a fake smile the second I enter the luncheon and working the room like I always do. But once the seed is planted it starts to fester, and by the end of the day, nothing has been able to distract me.

  Not even my parents’ showing up at lunch, which was a total shock, or the fact that for the first time since as long as I can remember my father actually shook my hand and treated me somewhat as an equal. Nope, not even that could stop the constant wheels from turning in my head.

  My parents’ left shortly after lunch, heading to Georgia to visit my mother’s sister before flying back home in few days. If I wasn’t already in a state of shock over the way they both behaved toward me, I certainly would’ve been watching them drive away in the same car together. I can’t ever remember a time that my father has gone to Savannah with my mother. Add on the fact that he got into the car sporting the closest thing to a smile I’ve seen in a very long time, tells me there is definitely something going on with the two of them.

  By the time I return to my dorm room hours later, having had a few drinks with the guys, the buzz running through my veins has only intensified my earlier thoughts of Tess. It’s like once I open up and let the voices talk I can’t get them to stop. And one voice is louder than all the others, the one that’s been singing in my ears since the moment I looked out into the crowd at graduation and realized that the one person I wanted to see smiling back at me wasn’t there. The voice that tells me it’s time.

  It’s time to get my girl back.

  I know I have a lot to figure out and a huge move coming u,p but for the first time in nearly four years something finally feels right, and I’m going to chase that feeling no matter where it leads me.

  ***

  Stepping out of the airport into the bright sunlight, I take my first breath of New York air in over four years. God, I’ve missed this place.

  After throwing my bag into the trunk of the cab, I quickly climb in the back seat, rambling off the address to the driver that I got from Courtney when I called her this morning. Funny, she didn’t seem at all surprised to hear from me even though it had been nearly two years since the last time I checked in.

  I try to keep my nerves at bay, but it’s nearly impossible to do that the further into the city we get. By the time we reach the dorms where Tess lives, I feel like I’m seconds away from bouncing right out of my damn skin.

  I can’t remember a time I felt so nervous.

  Okay, that’s not true. But it’s been years, and that night at Tess’ senior prom feels like a lifetime ago. Just another thing I’ve tried to bury that has always found its way back to the surface. Just goes to show that some things are just not meant to be forgotten.

  After paying the driver, I quickly exit the car, grabbing my bag before closing the trunk and turning toward the large four-story brick building in front of me. I take a deep breath in and then slowly let it out, trying to convince my feet to just fucking move already.

  One step, two steps, three steps. I count each one as I make my way toward the front door. I’ve almost reached the sidewalk that wraps around the building when a sound I haven’t heard in years whips around me, freezing me where I stand.

  I’d know that laugh anywhere. The sweet airiness of it intoxicating as it dances around me.

  I shift, my eyes seeking out the source, frantically searching until finally, finally after three long years, they land on the one thing they’ve never stopped looking for… Tess.

  Just the sight of her has all the air rushing from my body in an instant. She looks exactly as I remember and yet so different at the same time. Her long brown hair is now cut to her shoulders and there’s a grown-up quality to her that wasn’t there when we were kids. It makes me realize just how much a person can change over the years.

  My heart constricts as I watch the smile spread across her face. It’s the same smile I used to see my future in. The smile that used to make me weak in the knees. A smile that still does.

  That is, until I follow her gaze to the man standing next to her—the man whose hand is wrapped around hers and looking down at her like she’s all he can see. I know that look because it’s how I used to look at her.

  The realization of it all crashes over me, but before I have time to react, her blue eyes find mine and time seems to freeze me in the moment, paralyzing my ability to do anything but stare back at the love of my life, realizing that my worst fear may have just become my reality.

  It’s a beautiful day, one of those days where everything just feels right. The sun is shining brightly overhead, not a cloud in the sky, and the normally crowded campus is calm and relaxed; only students taking summer classes staying behind for the season.

  Days like this don’t happen often, at least not for me. Days where it feels like all the stars have aligned and there’s a clearing in the distance where I can see all my hopes and dreams within my grasp.

  Normally I would be one of the students heading to or from class, but this year I decided
after two full years of classes not to enroll in summer courses. I’m already a full semester ahead of my other classmates and to be honest, I need the time off.

  I stayed behind so Bennett could finish up some last minute coursework and then I’ll be bound for the beaches of North Carolina for two full weeks of fun in the sun before heading home for a month to spend time with my mom and Courtney, who should be arriving in Rockfield a week before me.

  Bennett talks excitedly about our upcoming trip, telling me all about his favorite restaurants and how he can’t wait to show me where he grew up. I was apprehensive about joining him at his parents’ house for the two-week trip when he first asked me, but since then the idea has grown on me. The more time I spend with him the more I forget about all the reservations I had when we first started dating six months ago.

  He wasn’t expected and a new relationship certainly wasn’t what I was looking for, but after pursuing me for weeks I finally caved and agreed to a date. I mean, why was I so scared to date again anyway? Date… It was like the dirty, unspoken word that I avoided at every turn.

  I guess deep down I believed that no one would ever fill Sebastian’s shoes, that everyone would pale in comparison to the first boy who ever owned my heart. But slowly over time, I realized that I didn’t need to fill the void left by Sebastian. I needed to embrace that it was a part of me and find a way to live with it.

  So needless to say Bennett wore me down. Day by day with his warm smile and chocolate eyes, he broke down the walls that had once guarded my heart so fiercely. I don’t know when my fondness of him morphed into something more. It was slow growing but the realization had hit me at all once, and I spent two hours on the phone crying to Bree over it.

  It felt like a betrayal—like I was doing something wrong—but after a while, Bree finally made me see that I wasn’t replacing Sebastian; I was simply letting him go. And hadn’t that been what I wanted all along?

  “I can’t wait to take you out on the water. You’re going to love it. I can’t believe you’ve never been jet skiing.” Bennett bounces next to me, his hand wrapped around mine.

  I look up to see him watching me, a wide grin on his handsome face.

  “You’ll have to go easy on me.” I return his smile, knocking my shoulder against his.

  Bennett is one of those people who you just can’t help but be attracted to. In addition to his obvious good looks—dark hair, warm brown eyes, a lopsided smile that shows off the smallest hint of two matching dimples, and a body that’s toned and broad from the years he’s spent surfing and sailing—he’s also one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met. Nothing about him is complicated or hard. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and I never feel like there’s anything he’s keeping from me; no part of himself that he has hidden in the shadows.

  “I will warn you,” he continues, sliding his aviator sunglasses down on his face to shield his eyes from the sun, “my sister Brittany can be a bit of a handful. She means well, but I can’t promise that she won’t follow us around the entire time we’re there.” He chuckles, the sound vibrating deep in his chest. “She’s done it since we were kids.”

  “I think it’s sweet. I would probably do the same thing if I was her age and had a brother like you.”

  “She’s a good kid but sometimes I just need some alone time, and I’m definitely going to want some this time around.” He winks at me, and even though he’s wearing sunglasses I can see the action clearly through the tinted lenses.

  My cheeks flush and I quickly look away. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to talk about sex in a comfortable manner. I don’t know why that is. Maybe it’s because it feels like something that should only be discussed behind closed doors, or maybe it’s because we’ve just recently become intimate and it just feels too new to really talk about out loud.

  For the longest time, I didn’t know if I’d be able to go through with it, sleeping with someone who wasn’t Sebastian. It was something I struggled with for quite a while, and even after we did sleep together that first time I had a really hard time looking at myself in the mirror for a couple of days.

  This entire process has been a really big step for me, and even though it’s been difficult, I wouldn’t take it back. Bennett has brought me back to life in a sense. His contagious smile and carefree attitude make me realize that sometimes you need to just give a little and not take life so seriously.

  We’ve just rounded the corner of my dorm building when I feel the shift in the air. Goose bumps erupt across my skin and my stomach twists, a tight knot instantly forming. I don’t understand the feeling right away. That is until I look up and find myself staring directly into a pair of bright hazel eyes, eyes I wasn’t sure I’d ever see again.

  “Sebastian?” I don’t even realize I’ve spoken until his name is off my lips, thrown into the wind that seems to have picked up around us.

  I stop abruptly, causing Bennett to stop next to me.

  I feel disoriented, so caught off guard by his appearance that I’m not sure if it’s actually happening or if I maybe fell and hit my head and am just dreaming this whole thing up.

  “Sebastian?” I hear Bennett question behind me.

  I don’t have to look at him to know he sees what I’m looking at—or should I say who—though I doubt he would have any clue who he is had I not said the name. He’s only seen Sebastian once and that was in an old picture that he came across stuffed in the bottom of a desk drawer in my dorm room.

  I can tell by the way his hand tightens around mine that even if he doesn’t know for sure it’s my Sebastian, he definitely suspects it.

  Sebastian’s eyes bounce from our adjoined hands to my face and back again, a slight tick in his jaw as he stands motionless just a couple of yards from us. I can see the struggle in his eyes, the uncertainty of what he should do next, but then he blinks and an easy smile quickly falls into place as he closes the distance between us.

  “Hi, Tess.”

  It’s just a statement, a simple greeting, and yet I feel like he’s said so much more. I don’t know how long I stand there, jaw on the ground, still trying to figure out if he’s actually here.

  I can feel Bennett’s eyes on the side of my face, but I can’t force a single thing to come out.

  Bennett clears his throat and extends his hand to Sebastian, clearly seeing that I’m not going to introduce them anytime soon.

  “Hi, I’m Bennett.”

  “Sebastian,” he replies coolly, taking Bennett’s hand on a firm shake before shoving both of his hands into the front pocket of his jeans as he rocks back slightly on his heels, eyes trained on my face.

  “What are you doing here, Sebastian?” When I finally manage to push the question out it feels raw against my throat.

  “I was in the area. Thought I’d stop by and say hey.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal. Just an old friend dropping by.

  “You were in the area?” I repeat slowly.

  “Was hoping maybe you’d have time to grab a bite to eat, catch up for a little bit.” He ignores my question completely.

  I open my mouth to respond but then close it without uttering a single word. Honestly, I don’t know what the hell to say to that. And as unexpected as it is to find him standing in front of me, I also can’t deny how incredible it is to lay eyes on him after such a long time.

  He’s just as perfect as I remember, maybe even more so. Sebastian always was the most attractive person I’d ever seen, still is. I feel guilty even thinking it with Bennett standing next to me, but it’s true. I can’t help it.

  “I’m gonna run up and grab my bag out of your room. Why don’t you take some time to talk to your friend?” Bennett offers, pulling my attention to him.

  “Are you sure?” I ask, a thick knot in my throat.

  “Yeah, of course. I still have a few things I need to take care of before our trip. I’ll just call you later, okay?” He gives me a warm smile before pressing his lips to my forehead in a quick kiss. />
  Case and point why Bennett is so incredible. My ex-boyfriend shows up out of the blue and instead of being an asshole about it, he offers to give me some time to figure out what he wants and why he’s here. God, he really is amazing.

  “Okay.” I force a smile when he pulls back.

  “It was nice to meet you, Sebastian,” he calls over his shoulder before taking off toward the entrance of my building, disappearing inside just moments later.

  When I slowly turn back to Sebastian, his expression has morphed from carefree to something else entirely. He takes a shaky breath in, his nostrils flaring slightly.

  “I take it that’s your boyfriend?” The last part comes off more like a hiss than an actual word.

  “He is,” I answer shakily; it’s not like it’s worth hiding at this point.

  “How long have you two been seeing each other?”

  The last thing I want to do is have this conversation directly outside of my dorm building, so I quickly move to change the direction.

  “What are you doing here, Sebastian? And don’t give me that crap about being in the area because we both know that’s not true.”

  “I just, fuck.” He runs a hair through his messy hair, making it look even more perfect.

  God, why does he have to look so good?

  “I just needed to see you,” he finally continues. “Can we maybe go somewhere and talk?”

  I want to say no. I want to tell him to go away so I can pretend like he didn’t just show up at the moment when I finally decided I was happy, determined to tear down everything I’ve built in his absence, but I simply can’t do it.

  Because at the end of the day, I still love him as much as I did yesterday, as much as I did a year ago, and two years ago and beyond that. Just because I have found some semblance of happiness doesn’t for one second erase the way my heart beats against my ribs or the way my fingers itch to reach out and touch his silky hair. Even after all this time a part of me, a very large part still feels like he belongs to me and I to him.