Poison & Wine Read online

  Copyright © 2020 by Melissa Toppen

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted by U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior permission of the author.

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, establishments, or organizations, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously to give a sense of authenticity. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. This book is intended for 18+ older, and for mature audiences only.

  * * *

  Editing by Amy Gamache @ Rose David Editing

  Cover Design by Cover Me Darling

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  Chapter One

  OAKLEY

  I twist the hair tie on my wrist nervously, my stomach knotted from uncertainty. I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know why I let a simple letter turn me upside down.

  I walked away. I let him go. So why, after all this time, do I feel like I’m running right back toward him? Toward the heartbreak and disappointment that comes as a package deal whenever Jace Matthews is involved.

  He had a choice. He chose drugs. And he nearly killed me with that decision.

  I can’t go back down this road again. I can’t let him reel me back in, the way that only he can. I won’t. There’s too much at stake this time around.

  He asked me to come. Said it was important to his recovery. And no matter what has transpired between us over the years, I want him clean. I want him to be happy and healthy. Though given this is his third stent in rehab in nearly just as many years, I don’t really hold that much hope.

  It's fine… I try to reason with myself. I’ll go in, hear him out, and then return to my normal life. A life I built despite everything Jace put me through.

  It wasn’t always like this. There was a time when my world began and ended with Jace. A time when I would have walked through fire for him. A time I would have given my life for his.

  He was that important to me.

  But things change. He changed. And eventually he got so lost not even I had the power to bring him back. Trust me, I tried. I almost lost everything trying.

  Accepting that I couldn’t help him was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Realizing that he didn’t want the help falling second.

  I still feel guilty for leaving, for walking away how I did. But I had to. And I’ve never regretted that decision. Because now I have more to live for than I ever did before.

  The thought of Ellie brings a smile to my face. My daughter. My sweet, beautiful three-year-old. She is the absolute light of my life. A handful most days, but the best damn thing I’ve ever done in this world.

  She was the light I needed when everything else was dark. The one thing that gave me the strength to keep going when most days I felt like giving up.

  If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have the life I have today. A home. A job that I love. Friends I adore. And a boyfriend who puts a smile on my face every single day.

  Life is good. Or at least it was, until last week when I found Jace’s letter in my mailbox. I don’t even know how he got my address, although if I had to guess, I’d say he got it from one of my siblings. Yet both deny any involvement in it.

  It’s like the instant I opened the envelope, everything shifted. I was no longer the strong, independent twenty-three-year-old woman I have worked so hard to become. No, suddenly I was that same broken girl that fled town four years ago feeling like she had left part of her heart behind her.

  That’s what Jace does to me.

  He’s like a cancer. It starts small, then before I know it, it’s spread throughout my entire body, consuming me from the inside out.

  My phone pings, drawing me from my thoughts. I grab the device from my purse resting in my lap and swipe my finger across the screen.

  Lance: Just checking in. Have you seen him yet?

  Most boyfriends would probably be furious to know that their girlfriend was going to visit their ex in rehab, but Lance has been nothing but supportive.

  Sometimes I think he’s too good to be true.

  But I won’t lie and say that I feel the same fire with him that I used to feel with Jace. The all-consuming burn that would wash over me whenever he was near. But with that kind of passion comes a lot of complications. And a hell of a lot of hurt.

  Lance is simple. Safe. Uncomplicated. Being with him is easy. And coming from someone like Jace, easy is exactly what I need.

  I wasn’t ready to date. Not for a long time. But eventually I started to succumb to the loneliness that had lingered over me since leaving Jace. That’s when I met Lance.

  He works with my cousin, Keira, at a local insurance firm. When she told me about this nice, good looking guy that she thought I would like, I quickly dismissed the idea. But after a lot of convincing on her part, I finally caved and agreed to meet him. We hit it off instantly and the rest is history.

  But don’t get me wrong, as good as it is, I’m not hearing wedding bells in my near future or anything. Hell, he only just met Ellie for the first time a couple of months ago after eight months of dating. But if things continue to progress the way they are, I’m not ruling out the possibility of a real future with him.

  Me: Not yet. Still waiting. How’s work?

  I watch the dots bounce across the screen.

  Lance: It’s work.

  Another message quickly follows.

  Lance: Let me know when you’re heading home. Maybe we can meet for a late lunch if you have time.

  Me: I can’t today. I told Gianna that I would pick Ellie up early since I’m not working.

  Lance: Dinner?

  I hesitate to agree. It’s not that I don’t want to see him, I do. But after seeing Jace I don’t know what that will do to my state of mind. I might need a little bit to process everything. Then again, isn’t that exactly what I want to avoid? Giving Jace the power to turn my life upside down like he’s done so many times before?

  Me: Sounds good.

  Jace gets this. He gets me here. That’s all I’m giving him. And nothing more. When I leave here today, it’s back to my normal life. And dinner with Lance is normal.

  Tucking my phone back into my purse, I hug it to my chest. I swear the longer I sit here, the more nervous I become. I just want to get this over with. I need to.

  I jump when my phone pings again. Letting out a sigh, I pull it back out of my purse, seeing my cousin’s name on the screen this time.

  Keira: How’s it going?

  I roll my eyes. Knowing Keira, she’s pr
obably already spoken to Lance, so why she feels the need to message me is beyond me.

  Unlike Lance, she wasn’t as supportive of my decision to see Jace. Probably because she was the one who was there to pick up the pieces of my life after Jace blew it up.

  She opened her home to me, gave me a place to live while I finished nursing school, and helped me with Ellie. She truly has been a godsend. She’s also the one person that saw firsthand how devastated I was four years ago when I left Jace in Parkview. She’s the one that had to deal with me when I was at my absolute lowest. The one who had to talk me out of going back to Parkview every time the desire to do so became too much to bear.

  Being only three years apart, we were always close as kids. And when everything exploded, she was the only person I knew who would give me refuge, no questions asked.

  Lord knows I couldn’t have escaped Jace if I’d stayed in Parkview. It’s a hole in the wall town where I’d be forced to see him every day. I knew I’d never have the strength to break away if I didn’t leave. And I couldn’t continue to watch him kill himself.

  My mom didn’t understand. She thought I was being dramatic. My twin siblings, Jax and Jocelyn, were only twelve at the time and really too self-absorbed to care. And my dad, well, I haven’t seen him since I was eight, so he didn’t have a say in the matter. He left when the twins were still babies. And when I say he left, I mean he fled town and never looked back.

  I guess it isn’t all that different from what I did. Although to be fair, where I’m not particularly close to any of them, I still talk to my mom and siblings every week.

  They all love Ellie though, and at the end of the day, that’s all I really care about.

  Me: Still waiting.

  Keira: Did I mention how bad of an idea I think this is?

  Me: Only about a hundred times.

  Keira: Well, I’m saying it again. I think this is a huge mistake. What if he tries to pull you back in? What if you see him and all the progress you’ve made is shot? You know his track record. You know he won’t stay clean. What about Ellie?

  The mention of my daughter pisses me off. Ellie has nothing to do with this. Jace doesn’t know I have a daughter and I have no intention of telling him. Ellie is my life, my present. Jace is my past. If I have anything to say about it, the two will never intertwine.

  Me: We’ve been through this. I can handle this. You have to trust me.

  Keira: I do trust you. But I feel like you’re playing with fire.

  Me: I have to go. Don’t worry. Everything will be fine. Talk later.

  I lock my phone, ignoring her reply message as I drop the device back into my purse.

  Her fears are not without warrant. And while I know the Jace I left behind doesn’t deserve to have me here, I feel like I owe it to the boy he used to be. The boy I’ve loved since I was ten years old. Because I want him to get clean. I want him to be better. And I know his track record isn’t great, but this is the first time he’s contacted me. Maybe this time is different. Maybe this time he really means it. And isn’t that what I’ve wanted for all these years? To not have to worry about getting that phone call. To not have to attend his funeral and bury the person who once held my future.

  “Miss Pierson.” I look up when a dark skinned, middle aged woman enters the room. She’s wearing a muted purple pantsuit, her dark hair tied back from her face.

  “Yes,” I croak, my voice suddenly hoarse.

  “He’s ready for you.”

  Chapter Two

  OAKLEY

  Nine years ago

  * * *

  The sky is dark, the moon hidden behind thick clouds blocking out every star from view. I’m lying on my back in the unfinished treehouse in my backyard. The one my father started years ago but never completed in his rush to leave. It has a floor and three walls, with the fourth completely open to the wooded area behind my house, and there is no ceiling. It’s sits about fifteen feet in the air, and instead of a ladder, there are wood planks nailed into the tree for steps.

  It’s not the sturdiest thing in the world, but over the years it has become my sanctuary. The place I go when I want to be alone. It’s also where Jace likes to hide out when his dad’s been drinking. Most of the time when I come up here, I do in hopes of finding him here.

  He’s been my closest friend since he moved into the house at the end of my street nearly four years ago. And while I love him like he’s family, those feelings have started to take on a new meaning recently.

  “Oak.” I prop up on my elbows when I hear Jace’s voice.

  I knew he’d come here tonight. As of late, he’s up here more times than he’s not. And as happy as that makes me because I get to spend time with him, I also hate what it means. That his dad is on another tirade.

  Preston Matthews is not a good man. I learned that pretty early on. And I hate that Jace has to live with him. It’s no wonder why his mom left or why his brother, Tommy, took off the first chance he got. I just wish they hadn’t left Jace all alone with that monster.

  And while my home life isn’t great—my mother treats me and the twins more like nuisances than her children—at least I don’t have to be afraid to go home.

  “Hey.” I smile at him when his messy brown mop comes into view.

  Jace is changing. When I first met him he was a scrawny thing, but he’s filled out since then and grown several inches. His voice is changing too. I swear it gets deeper every time I hear him talk.

  “Hey.” He hoists himself up into the treehouse before crawling onto the blanket I have sprawled out on the floor.

  He lays back, tucking his hands underneath his head as he stares up at the sky. The small camping lamp I took from the garage offers just enough light that I can see the bruise forming right below his left eye. I cringe at the sight.

  “Everything okay?” I ask, lying back down, my face turned in his direction.

  “Yeah.” He blows out a heavy breath. “Dad was in a real mood tonight.”

  I want to ask him why he doesn’t report him. Why he continues to let him get away with this. But after the tenth time of suggesting it, and Jace never wavering in his response, I’ve kept such thoughts to myself. He doesn’t want anyone to know and I have to respect his choice to keep this quiet.

  People suspect, I’m sure. There’s no way they can’t. There are only so many times a kid can show up at school with a black eye or busted lip before someone realizes that there’s more going on than a teenage boy getting into neighborhood squabbles. And yet, no one says a word.

  It’s like an unspoken rule in this town. Everyone minds their own business and believes what they’re told to believe. Other than Tommy, I’m the only one that knows what takes place in the Matthews’ home. I tried telling my mom once, but she told me to stay out of it and refused to discuss it further. If I had any hope that she was going to help, she squashed it instantly.

  So it’s just me and Jace. Me and Jace against the world. I wish I could do more. I wish I could protect him. But really, what can I do other than be here for him the only way I know how?

  “You wanna talk about it?” I finally offer, my hand settling on top of his. He flinches at the contact and my heart sinks in my chest.

  “Not really.” He turns his face toward mine, his blue eyes impossibly dark. “I just want to lay here with you if that’s okay.” He forces a small smile.

  “Of course.” I nod, holding his gaze for as long as he’ll let me.

  Jace is very good looking. And while I’ve always thought he was cute, now he’s something much more than that. My heart beats faster every time he’s around. My palms sweat and my stomach does this weird fluttering thing that makes me feel like I’m about to take flight.

  I don’t have to wonder what it all means. I know what it means.

  Eventually, he turns his eyes back up to the sky, but I keep mine locked on the side of his face. Taking in the defined cut of his jaw and the profile of his nose, which has a small lump on th
e bridge from where his dad broke it last year.

  “Jace.” My voice breaks the long silence that has settled between us.

  “Yeah?” His head falls back in my direction.

  “Tell me it won’t always be like this.”

  Even though he’s the one hurting, it’s me who needs the reassurance.

  “It won’t always be like this,” he promises, wrapping his hand around mine.

  My stomach twists with excitement. It shouldn’t feel this good, doing something as simple as holding hands, but god it does. It feels right in a world where nothing else does.

  “One day we’re going to get out of this town. You and me,” he continues. “We’re going to leave all this behind.”

  “I can’t wait for that day.”

  “Neither can I.” He rolls onto his side and I do the same, our fingers still tangled together.

  “I don’t know what I would do without you, Oakley.” His voice is soft, barely above a whisper.

  “I don’t know what I would do without you.” And I mean it with everything that I am. My eyes slide to the bruise on his face before going back to his. “Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do?”

  He reaches out with his free hand, pushing my wild auburn hair away from my face. His fingers linger on my cheek just long enough for me to realize it’s intentional.

  “Actually, there is one thing.” He inches in closer.

  I swallow past the thick knot that settles in my throat.

  “Anything,” I whisper.

  “Kiss me.”

  I can hardly believe my ears. Did he just… Did he just ask me to kiss him?