A Thousand Cuts (CELL BLOCK C) Read online

  “I’m okay.” I pick at a loose thread on the blanket that’s thrown over my lap.

  If I had a dime for every time someone has asked me that over the last two weeks...

  “Hey.” Ryland places his hand on my shin, pulling my gaze back to him. “It’s me. If you’re not okay, you know you can tell me, right?”

  “I know.” I blow out a breath. “I miss my dad,” I admit, tears immediately building behind my eyes.

  It’s been thirteen days. Thirteen days since I came home from school and found my dad unconscious on the floor. Thirteen days since I watched the paramedics try to revive him. Thirteen days since they failed.

  Thirteen days...

  I’m trying really hard to be strong. For Finn, for me. I’m trying to pretend like everything is okay. Like I’m not worried about what’s going to happen next. Like I didn’t just lose my father. Like I might lose my brother if he isn’t granted guardianship of me at tomorrow’s hearing.

  Truth is, I’m barely holding on. I’m scared. Terrified is more like it.

  Finn keeps telling me that everything will be okay. That he knows they’ll make him my legal guardian and that no one is going to rip us apart, but deep down I know he’s worried, too. He’s not nearly as good at hiding his feelings as he thinks he is.

  That, and he’s not very good at making sure his twelve-year-old sister isn’t eavesdropping on the multiple conversations he’s had regarding the matter.

  There’s a lot working against him. The fact that he’s barely eighteen. The fact that he just graduated high school days ago and only has a part time job, which doesn’t supply nearly enough income to provide for himself, let alone his little sister.

  Luckily, it looks like we get to keep the house, so at least there’s that. Except that’s about the only good news we’ve gotten this week.

  Finn is so stressed out. The only thing I can think to do is put on a brave face and not give him more reasons to worry.

  “I know you do, kid.” Ryland gets up and crosses to the other side of the bed before sliding in next to me. Propping himself up against the headboard, he drapes an arm around my shoulder and pulls me to his side. “We all miss him.” He rests his cheek on the top of my head. “But you still have Finn,” he reminds me. “And you still have me. And I’m not going anywhere.” He gives me a squeeze.

  “What if they take me away? What if they don’t let me stay here with Finn?” I voice my concern out loud for the first time.

  “You can’t think like that, Ains. Finn will find a way. One way or another. Your brother will never let anyone take you.”

  “But what if he can’t stop them?”

  “Then I guess I’ll have to hide you away where no one will be able to find you. Then they can’t take you.”

  “You’d do that?”

  “For you, I’d do anything. You’re my family, you and Finn. I’ll always protect you. You know that, right?”

  There isn’t a time in my life that I remember without Ryland. He’s been my brother’s best friend since before I was born and spends more time here than he spends at his own house. I overheard Finn and Dad talking about it one day. How Ryland’s stepdad likes to hit him. The thought makes me sick to my stomach.

  “Finn’s going to win. He’s going to convince the judge that you two staying together is the most important thing.”

  “You mean the three of us,” I correct him.

  “What?” He pulls back, looking down at me.

  “You said the two of us. But it’s not just two of us. You are a part of this family, remember?”

  “You’re right.” He smiles and I can’t help but think how cute he is.

  I’ve had a crush on Ryland for years. Even when I was little. I’d followed him around in my diapers calling him my boyfriend. Except now things have started to feel differently for me as of late. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older. Or maybe it’s because I’m starting to understand the feelings I’ve always secretly harbored for him.

  “So, I was thinking, what do you say you and I head down to Apollo’s? We could grab some burgers and then stop for ice cream after. How’s that sound to you?”

  “Is Finn coming, too?”

  “No, he has some things he has to take care of before his meeting tomorrow. I thought it would do you some good to get out of this bedroom. You practically never leave your room anymore.”

  “It’s the best place to read.” I gesture to the book sitting next to me.

  “You read too much.” He chuckles.

  “You don’t read enough,” I fire back.

  “Well, you’re not wrong there.” He ruffles a hand through my hair. “So what do you say, you and me, burgers and ice cream?”

  “I think that sounds good.” I nod, watching Ryland shift before climbing out of the bed.

  “Well come on then, my dear Ainsley.” He bows his head and extends his hand to me like a man bowing before royalty.

  “You’re such a dork.” I laugh for what feels like the first time in days.

  “That’s Sir Dork to you.” He lifts his face. “Now, are you going to take my hand or what?”

  I shake my head, not able to wipe the smile from my face.

  “Thank you, Sir Dork.” I take his hand, allowing him to help me out of bed. “You know, I’ve been dying to see that new movie that just came out. The Hunger Games.”

  “Burgers, ice cream, and a movie. Now you’re pushing your luck,” Ryland teases.

  “I’ve heard it’s really good. I read the book last year.”

  “Isn’t that movie a little mature for someone your age?” He crosses his arms in front of himself.

  “Now you sound like Finn.” I give him a knowing look. “And for your information, I’m plenty old enough to see it. My dad already said I could.” I don’t realize what I’ve said until it’s already out. My words hit me like a sledgehammer to the chest.

  How easy it is to forget that he’s gone.

  “I’ll tell you what, if there’s a decent show time this evening then I’ll take you,” Ryland concedes, clearly not missing the way my expression had fallen.

  “Really?” My mood instantly improves. Not that my sadness really ever lessens but certain things have a way of making it less noticeable.

  “Really.” He taps the tip of my nose with his index finger. “Now, why don’t you get changed?” He looks down at my penguin covered pajamas. “Meet me in the living room when you’re ready. I’m going to go tell Finn our plans.”

  “Okay,” I eagerly agree, knowing time with Ryland is exactly what I need right now.

  If there’s one person in this world that has the ability to make me feel better, Ryland Thorpe is it. A fact he’s proven more times than I could ever count over the course of my life.

  He is my constant. Him and my brother, Finn. They have always been there for me. My protectors. My support. My family. And now, they’re the only ones I have left.

  Chapter 3

  Ainsley

  “Good morning.” I jump and let out a startled yelp at the sound of a deep voice behind me.

  Turning, my hand goes to my chest, directly over my now pounding heart, as my eyes scan the kitchen. They finally land on Ryland who’s sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in front of him.

  “You scared the crap out of me,” I scold him, my pulse quickening even more at the sight of him. His hair is rumpled from sleep and he’s wearing the same white t-shirt he showed up in last night. Except now it’s wrinkled and pulled loose at the neck. He looks incredibly sexy – not that he has the ability to look any other way – but the thought still pisses me off. “Why are you sitting over there in the dark?”

  “It’s not dark.” He gestures around the dimly lit kitchen. The only light is being provided by small slivers of sun peering in through the closed blinds on the back door.

  “Um, yeah, it kind of is,” I tell him, flipping on the light switch. Unfortunately, we have the worst lighting in our kitche
n so it doesn’t really offer that much more light.

  “There’s a fresh pot of coffee,” he tells me when I turn, heading toward the refrigerator. “I just made it a few minutes ago.”

  “I don’t drink coffee.” I pull open the fridge door before snagging the jug of OJ off the top shelf.

  “Gotcha,” I hear him mutter but I choose to ignore him.

  I may be forced into a situation where I have to live under the same roof with him, but that doesn’t mean I have to go out of my way to converse with him. Honestly, he’s lucky I’m speaking to him at all.

  “Finn’s already gone. I didn’t know he left for work so early.” His tone is conversational, clearly an attempt to fill the awkward silence.

  “I’m guessing there’s not much you know anymore.” I keep my back to him as I rummage through the pantry for something to eat.

  “I guess that’s probably true.” He pauses. “So, he’s working at Jim’s shop still.”

  “Yep. Among other things.” I grab a Pop-Tart and quickly close the pantry.

  Normally I wouldn’t eat something like this for breakfast, because I’m not huge on sweets, other than ice cream. But I’m in such a rush to get out of this kitchen, and it’s the easiest, fastest thing I can find.

  “The last time we talked he said things were going pretty well for you two. Financially, I mean.”

  “I didn’t realize you two spoke about such things.” I grit my teeth.

  I know that my brother made it a point to visit Ryland at least once a month, but we never discussed the details of those visits. Truthfully, I never wanted to know. I didn’t agree with Finn visiting him. I guess I understood why he did, but I wanted no part in it. To me, Ryland Thorpe is a liar. And I have no time in my life for people I can’t trust.

  “We talked about a lot of things. He told me about how much you’ve grown. Although I couldn’t picture it. I guess in my head you were still that same little girl who used to follow me around the house begging for piggyback rides.”

  “Listen.” I spin around, my juice in one hand, toaster pastry in the other. “We don’t have to do this.” I gesture between us.

  “Do what?” He quirks an eyebrow at me, acting like he has no idea what I’m talking about, even though I’m pretty damn sure he isn’t that dense.

  “We aren’t friends.”

  “We were once upon a time.” His eyes go down to where his fingers are closed around his coffee cup before they slowly lift to mine again.

  “Were being the operative word. As in past tense. We don’t have to pretend like everything is good. It isn’t. I think I made it pretty clear I don’t want you here, but for whatever reason, my brother has chosen to ignore my feelings on the matter. He may not hold the choices you made against you, but I do. So, if you’ll excuse me.” With that, I spin around and quickly exit the kitchen.

  ——

  I can’t keep my head straight at work. I mix up two tables’ orders and even manage to spill ranch dressing down some poor woman’s blouse after it slid off my tray when I was setting her food down.

  It’s been one of those days.

  “Hey, you okay?” Lily slides up next to me at the food window, where I’m waiting for my last table’s order to come up. “You seem off today.”

  “Off is putting it mildly.” I blow out a breath through my nose as I turn toward my best friend.

  I’m met with big brown eyes and a head full of black hair.

  “What’s going on?” She shifts to face me, her forehead creased in concern.

  “Ryland’s out,” I blurt, still not able to fully wrap my head around this fact.

  I thought I had more time. More time to prepare. More time to get the hell out of dodge. Just more time.

  “Wait, what?” Her eyes go wide. “I thought he still had a couple more years?”

  “Apparently, he got out early for good behavior. And the kicker, Finn knew he was being released and never said a word to me.”

  “Wow.” She shakes her head slowly from side to side.

  “Oh no, just wait. It gets better.” I give her a knowing look. “Finn’s letting him stay with us, in Dad’s old room.”

  “Shut the fuck up.” She gives me her famous oh shit smile.

  “Yep. So now, not only is he a free man, but he’s also living under the same roof as me.”

  “Why would Finn let him stay with you guys? Especially since he knows how you feel.”

  “That’s a question I sure would like to know the answer to. It’s like Finn never blamed Ryland for anything. The man almost got my brother thrown in jail on drug trafficking charges. You would think he would see that he can’t trust him. And yet, he went to visit him regularly and now he’s helping him get back on his feet.” I put air quotes around the words. “It makes no sense.”

  “There has to be more to it,” Lily interjects.

  Of course, this is pure speculation on her part. Lily wasn’t around when all of this went down. While she may be my closest friend now, we only met two years ago when we both started working at Milo’s Café. We hit it off instantly and have pretty much been inseparable ever since.

  “I don’t think there is. I think Finn is just that naïve. He thinks because they’ve been friends their whole lives that Ryland wouldn’t do anything to screw him over. But hello, Ryland took him on a drug deal. Apparently nothing says I’ve got your back like dragging you into illegal activity that could land you in jail for years.”

  “He probably had no idea he was dealing to an undercover cop,” she needlessly points out.

  “Obviously.” I grunt. “But that doesn’t make it any better. Had Finn gone down with him, I would have ended up in the care of the state. Did he care? Nope. So why the hell should I give two craps about him?”

  “You shouldn’t?” She phrases it as a question, like she’s not sure. “So,” she hesitates, chewing on her bottom lip, “is he still as sexy as he used to be?”

  “Lily!” I smack her arm. “Why would you even ask me that?”

  “Because, from the way you described him...” She grins.

  “I’m done talking to you now.” I turn when Davis appears through the kitchen window, sliding two plates under the heat lamp.

  “Table twenty-two. Order up,” he announces.

  “That’s me.” Lily claps her hands together, quickly grabbing both plates of food. “Listen, I know you don’t trust the guy, but maybe try to pretend like he’s not there. That’s what I would do.”

  “Easier said than done,” I mutter as Lily turns, heading back out into the dining room.

  Lily doesn’t know Ryland. She has no idea how overwhelming of a presence he has. It’s like he takes up all the space in a room the moment he walks into it.

  “How long until your shift is up?” Davis asks from behind me. I swivel in his direction, trying to smooth the sour look on my face.

  Davis is a sweet guy, but someone I avoid as much as I can. Mainly because he won’t stop asking me out, no matter how many times I say no.

  “Just waiting on the order for my last table.” I square my shoulders.

  “I couldn’t help but overhear that you’re having some issues on the home front. I’d be happy to offer you somewhere to hang if you need to avoid going home for a few hours.” He gives me a smile, revealing two matching dimples on each of his freckled cheeks.

  Davis is cute, a little short and scrawny for my taste, but still cute. He has the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen, freckles for days, and a head full of blonde curls. Unfortunately, he’s the exact opposite of the guys I’m usually attracted to.

  Ryland’s face immediately pops into my head but I quickly push it aside. He may be gorgeous, but he’s also trouble. The worst kind of trouble. The kind that spends years convincing you that he would do anything to protect you when, in reality, he never cared about you to begin with.

  That’s the part that hurts most of all. I can pretend like my anger spurs from the fact that he was dealing dr
ugs after he knew my mom left because she was a junkie. I can pretend that it’s what he could have done to Finn by bringing him along on a deal. But when it really boils down, I’m most angry with him because I thought I was important to him and it turns out I wasn’t. Otherwise he never would have done what he did.

  “So, what do you say?” Davis pulls me from my thoughts and I take two slow blinks, trying to remember what we were just talking about. “You wanna hang out after work? Maybe go grab some dinner or something?”

  “I appreciate the offer, but I have way too much class work to get done this weekend. Finals are in two weeks and if I want any hope of finishing the semester with my target GPA, I have to buckle down.”

  “Okay.” He seems disappointed but tries to cover it with an easy smile. “Maybe another time.”

  “Maybe,” I agree, my gaze darting to Chet as he slides up next to Davis.

  “You have the two chicken salads?” he asks, holding up two large bowls.

  “That’s me.” I nod, reaching over the counter to take the food from him. “Thanks, Chet.” I smile at both men before quickly turning and heading back out into the dining room.

  Chapter 4

  Ryland

  “So, how was your first day of freedom?” Finn asks, kicking his shoes off right inside the door.

  “Not great. But it sure beats living behind bars any day.” I flip off the television.

  “Please don’t tell me you’ve spent the entire day inside.” He gives me a pointed look. “You’ve been trapped in a tiny cell for five years. You should be outside, enjoying the amazing weather. You know we’re only going to get a few days like this.”

  He’s not wrong. May in Southern Michigan is unpredictable at best. It’s freezing ass cold at the beginning of the month. Then there are a few good days in the middle, and by the end you’re sweating your balls off.

  “I just wanted to hang inside today. Kind of ease my way back into the real world.” I lean forward, resting my elbows just above my knees.

  “I get that. Any luck on the Ainsley front?”

  I know Finn was hoping that Ainsley would see me and all would be forgiven but I knew better. If she had forgiven me on sight, she wouldn’t be the same girl I knew. My Ainsley doesn’t trust easily. Lose that trust, and you’re going to have to work your ass off to earn it back, if you even can.