All the Pretty Lies Read online

  I don’t know why I want to hurt her. If I’m being honest, I don’t think I really wanted to. But after Friday night, I don’t know, I panicked. I had to do something drastic.

  “So I was thinking, I would like to match for prom. Do you have a pink tie by chance?”

  “No,” I grumble.

  “Well can you get one?”

  I give her a sideways glance that tells her everything she needs to know.

  “Okay, no problem. We can tie it together with your boutonniere.”

  After the shit this girl pulled, she’s lucky to be sitting next to me. Asking me to wear pink is definitely pushing her luck, which is why, I suspect, she doesn’t push the issue and finds a suitable compromise without a fuss. She’s being on her best behavior in the hopes that we’ll get back together.

  Hate to break it to her, but that is not happening.

  I asked her to prom. That’s where it begins and ends. I’m not interested in rekindling anything with her.

  That was always the case.

  I think I’ve clung to her because she’s a safe space for me. I knew I’d never love her so there was no risk of falling. I fooled myself into believing there was more. But now that I know what more feels like, I know what I’ve had with her wasn’t even close.

  The thought only serves to piss me off more.

  Have you ever wanted something so bad, so fucking bad, that you felt like you couldn’t breathe without it? But then at the same time, for reasons you don’t entirely understand, you won’t let yourself have it.

  Well, that’s me right now.

  Poppy.

  Our fake relationship.

  Fuck, there wasn’t a damn thing fake about it.

  She knew it.

  I knew it.

  And once I realized how far I had fallen, I did the same thing I did four years ago. I pushed her away. Purposely hurt her to keep her away.

  Why I keep repeating the same fucking pattern, I don’t know.

  Why I keep denying myself the girl I’ve wanted since fucking middle school, I can’t tell you.

  Call it a feeling.

  Like I know I’ll never be good enough for her so I sabotage any chance I might have.

  “Callum, are you even listening to me?” Annika whines in my ear.

  “What?” I glance in her direction.

  “What time are you picking me up on Saturday?”

  “It’s Tuesday. We’ve got time to figure that out.”

  “I know, but we need to have a plan. And we need to make reservations. I bet all the good restaurants are booked by now. Is there someplace you want to go for dinner?”

  “Mario’s.”

  “Mario’s?” She crinkles her nose. “I get that you’re obsessed with that place, but really, Callum. This is prom we’re talking about. I’m not walking into that run-down old place wearing a six-hundred-dollar dress. We can do better than that.”

  “Then why ask me what I want?”

  “Babe.” She runs a manicured finger down my forearm.

  I cringe. She must realize it because seconds later her hand disappears.

  “I’ll just... I’ll find somewhere. Maybe my dad can make a few calls. Get us in at Piatzas.”

  “Whatever.” I sigh, my eyes going back across the cafeteria.

  I don’t know what I expected when I saw Poppy today. Anger. Sadness. Resentment. But she’s not giving me any of that. Hell, she hasn’t even looked at me once.

  Girl’s got spine, I’ll give her that.

  I haven’t been able to stop looking at her since she sat down.

  I watch her lean into April, whispering something in her ear. Brock leans in on April’s other side, desperate to hear. April shoves his head away and leans in closer, the two sharing a private conversation for a few short moments.

  I wonder what they’re talking about.

  Correction... I wonder if they’re talking about me.

  Deciding I need to get the hell out of here, I quickly push to my feet.

  “Where are you going?” Annika and Tripp ask in unison.

  “Class.”

  “But lunch isn’t even half over,” Annika objects, giving me her best attempt at sad, puppy dog eyes which only highlights the shit ton of makeup caked on her face.

  I used to think I liked that sort of thing.

  I used to think I liked a lot of things. It turns out I don’t.

  “I have a make-up assignment to do in English. I’ll catch up with you guys later.” I nod to Tripp, ignoring Annika completely as I spin on my heel and quickly exit the cafeteria.

  Don’t look at her. Don’t look at her. Don’t look at her. I repeat over and over as I turn the corner, breathing a sigh of relief when the cafeteria is no longer in my view.

  “YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.” Camila slides up next to my locker, slamming her hand against the metal.

  “Tell me something I don’t already know.” I attempt to be funny but it falls flat.

  “Do you have any idea how badly you hurt Poppy? Do you even care?”

  “She seems to be getting along just fine. She looked awfully cozy at lunch with Ethan,” I spit bitterly.

  “Yes, well, if you must know, he asked her to prom. She said yes,” she says spitefully, like she’s purposely trying to rub it in my face.

  “Good for them.” I shove my books into my locker.

  “I knew you were a piece of work, but this is low. Even for you. Lure her in with a fake relationship. Make her fall for you. Fuck her then leave her on the curb with all the other trash you’ve stuck your dick into.”

  “She agreed to our arrangement. The rest is on her.”

  “And her falling in love with you? That on her too? Or do you think maybe you had something to do with that?”

  “I’m not sure where you’re getting your information, but she’s not in love with me.”

  “Are you joking right now?” She shoves my shoulder... Hard. “Do you think she would have slept with you if she wasn’t? Christ. How fucking selfish are you?”

  “Are you about done?” I turn toward her, an annoyed expression lining my face. “Because I really need to get to class.”

  “Who the fuck are you?” She slams my locker closed, the door damn near taking my ear off.

  “What the fuck?” I step into her space but she doesn’t back down. Girl has balls. I’ll give her that.

  “Answer the question. Who the fuck are you?” She gets so close to my face our noses are nearly touching. “Because the Callum I thought I knew, the one I’ve spent the last few weeks becoming friends with, he isn’t capable of doing what you’re doing.”

  “Maybe you don’t know me as well as you thought you did.”

  “Yeah, that’s become apparently clear.” She squares her shoulders. “You wanna know what I think? I think you love her too. I think you love her and you’re scared. There’s no other explanation. I saw the way you look at her. The way you touch her.”

  “It was all for show.” I grit my teeth.

  “You’re not that good of an actor, Callum. Don’t kid yourself. If you were, maybe you wouldn’t have been staring holes into the side of her face earlier at lunch. You love her, just admit it.”

  “Leave it alone, Camila.”

  “Or what? Huh? What?” She pokes at my chest. “You’ve already done the worst, what more could you possibly do?”

  “I’m warning you, get the fuck out of my way.”

  “Not until you tell me the truth.”

  “You want the truth? Here it is. I used Poppy. I used her to get back with Annika. Then, just because I could, I fucked her. And now it’s over. We done now?”

  “Wow.” She shakes her head, taking a step back. “You’re more fucked up than I thought.”

  “Yep. That’s me. Fucked up.”

  Her features soften.

  “Mark my words, Callum, there will come a day when it will be too late. Let’s hope you open your fucking eyes and admit the truth before that happe
ns.”

  With that, she spins around and quickly walks away, her dark hair swaying across her back as she does.

  I turn, punching my locker so hard two of my knuckles bust open. Blood trickles down my fingers. I close my eyes and breathe in deep, embracing the pain that throbs through my hand. I deserve it. I deserve so much worse and I know it.

  But I have a feeling watching Poppy with the guy she really wants to be with will be enough torture to atone for what I’ve done. At least I hope it will.

  I can’t have her.

  I can’t let her go.

  Either way I lose.

  Either way I’m fucked.

  I tuck my books under my arm and head to class, Camila’s words echoing over and over in my head like a broken fucking record. One day it will be too late...

  One day can’t come soon enough.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  POPPY

  “GIRL, YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE.” Camila whistles at me as I step into the living room.

  Not wanting to chance a run in with Callum and Annika, we all decided to meet at April’s house to get ready.

  “Me? Look at you.” I gesture to the floor length blue dress she’s wearing with a thin lace overlay. “And you.” I turn to April who looks incredible in a strapless coral gown that dips low in the back.

  I landed on something simpler. Elegant, but simple. A floor length, spaghetti strap silver dress that would brush the floor if not for my three-inch matching heels.

  We had our hair done at the salon earlier. While both April and Camila went with twisty updos, I opted to leave my hair down. It’s pulled back on the sides and curled down my back.

  “The guys should be here soon. We should get this party rolling.” April claps her hands together.

  “I still can’t believe Brock’s parents rented us a limo. I mean seriously, your boyfriend is alright,” Camila tells April.

  “Yeah.” She shrugs. “I might keep him around.”

  As if on cue, there’s a knock at the door.

  “Well, this is it.” Camila bounces excitedly. “Senior prom.”

  I wish I shared in her enthusiasm.

  While I’ve done my best to put on a happy face this past week, it hasn’t lessened the ache that still plagues my chest.

  Some might think it’s because I gave Callum my virginity only to be played. But in truth, it has nothing to do with the sex. It’s not like I was holding onto my virtue for some special reason. I chose not to have sex because of my mother, and I ended up in bed with Callum to spite her. In a way you could say I used him as much as he used me. I needed him that night. I didn’t think. I didn’t weigh the pros and cons. I simply acted. And despite how everything has turned out, I don’t regret it. I regret how it ended, but I don’t regret the act itself.

  April makes her way to the front door to meet the guys while Camila holds me back for a moment.

  “You sure you’re okay with this?” she asks softly.

  “Yeah, of course.” I put on a brave face.

  “My offer still stands. You say the word and we can ditch these dresses and have a girls’ night in.”

  “I appreciate that. But I’m not missing my Senior Prom. Callum has taken enough from me. I won’t let him have this too.”

  “You are a stronger woman than I am.” She reaches out, squeezing my hand.

  “I don’t know about that, but I’m trying.”

  “Well, for the record, I think you’re doing amazingly well, all things considered.”

  I don’t correct her. Why would I? She doesn’t need to know that while on the outside I may seem okay, on the inside I’m a bunch of scattered pieces that I can’t seem to fit back together.

  “Thanks.” I turn, heading to the door, Camila right behind me.

  The guys are waiting on the front lawn. They look so handsome in their tuxedos. While Ethan and Marshall, Camila’s date, are dressed in all black, Brock went with a white tux and a coral tie that matches April’s dress.

  When she slides up next to him, wrapping an arm around his middle, I can’t help the pang of jealousy that hits me. They look incredible together. The perfect couple. My mind instantly shifts to Callum.

  “Hey.” Ethan steps up in front of me. “Wow, Poppy. You look gorgeous.”

  “Thank you.” I fidget under his gaze. “So do you.”

  “Okay, everyone gather together.” April’s parents are walking out of the house, a camera in her mom’s hand.

  She takes several pictures.

  Group pictures.

  Pictures of each couple.

  Pictures of just us girls.

  By the time we’re done, I feel like we’ve posed for at least a hundred photographs.

  When we all clamor into the limo several minutes later, Brock pops open a bottle of champagne, compliments of his father, and pours each of us a small glass. We toast to our last high school dance and drink.

  Everyone seems so happy, so excited, but as hard as I try to get there, I can’t seem to shake this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

  This is what I wanted, isn’t it?

  To get all dressed up and go to prom with Ethan as my date.

  It’s what I’ve daydreamed about for the last two years.

  But now, having him sitting next to me, I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right.

  Nothing about this night feels right.

  Hell, nothing about my life feels right these days.

  We stop at an Italian bistro for dinner. I do my best to keep up appearances, forcing myself to take part in conversations and smile when appropriate, but it all feels so fake.

  You would think at this point I’d be used to fake.

  “Well, here we are.” Ethan takes my hand, squeezing my fingers as the limo pulls up outside the reception hall where prom is being held. “You ready?”

  “Yep.” I take a deep breath, waiting for him to climb out of the limo before allowing him to take my hand and help me from the car.

  My nerves get significantly worse as we make our way inside, stopping by the photo booth to pose for pictures before entering the main hall.

  My eyes scan the large space, decorated with white lace and black balloons. But it’s not the decorations I’m looking for. It’s him. And it doesn’t take me long to spot him. He’s sitting at one of the round tables toward the front of the room, lounging in his chair casually with his legs stretched out in front of him.

  I lose my breath at the sight of him.

  He’s dressed in a black tux, his dark hair slicked back away from his face. God, he looks so good it’s painful to keep my eyes on him for long.

  I dart my gaze to his left, a thick knot forming in my throat when Annika slides down in the seat next to him, her hand sliding across his.

  She looks incredible, of course. She’s one of those girls that could seriously wear a trash bag and look like a million bucks. And even though admitting this is like acid on my tongue, I can’t deny how good they look together. How well they fit. I just wish that made me feel better.

  There are several other people at their table. Tripp, Hannah, Barkley, Davis, and to my surprise, Blake.

  I know Callum forgave him for what happened with Annika, but I didn’t expect to see them all hanging out together.

  I can’t help but wonder what that means.

  “Poppy.” I start at the sound of Ethan’s voice.

  “Yeah?” I glance in his direction.

  He points to April, Brock, Camila, and Marshall who are all headed to the other side of the room, no doubt trying to snag a table before they’re all gone.

  “Should we join them?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, let’s join them.” I take his hand, ignoring how wrong it feels, as we follow our friends.

  I don’t know when my feelings for Ethan changed. Honestly, I don’t know that they have. When I look at him I still find him attractive. I’m still drawn in by his smile and the sound of his laughter, but for some reason it doesn’t make
me feel giddy the way it used to.

  Even still, I’m determined to make this night one to remember. Just because I’m still hurt over what transpired with Callum doesn’t mean I should let him ruin this night for me. Who knows, maybe if I actually give Ethan a chance I’ll remember all the reasons why I liked him so much to begin with.

  “YOU HAVING FUN?” ETHAN’S breath is warm against my ear as we slow dance.

  “I am.” It’s a lie but I figure if I keep telling myself that I’m having fun, maybe I actually will.

  “Look.” Ethan pulls back, his face so close to mine our noses are almost touching. “I know that you just went through a break-up and that things are probably still really raw, but I want to tell you how much I appreciate you agreeing to come with me tonight. There seriously isn’t anyone else I’d rather be here with.”

  His words soften the tension in my shoulders.

  “Thank you for saying that.”

  “If you want my opinion, Callum is an idiot. But his loss is my gain.” He pulls me back in, our bodies swaying in unison to the soft music.

  I close my eyes and try to enjoy the moment. If I open them, I might see him. And right now, I have no desire to do that.

  I’ve done really well at avoiding him over the last hour. I’ve purposely stayed on the opposite side of the room from where he and his group are sitting and when I dance with Ethan, I always make sure my back is to his table.

  The DJ comes on as the song winds down, tapping the microphone to get everyone’s attention. We all stop what we’re doing and turn our gazes toward the stage.

  “Alright, yo, yo, yo. It’s time to announce Norwood High’s prom king and queen. Y’all ready for this?”

  Several whoops and hollers come from the crowd, most of whom are corralled on the dance floor.

  “I think that means yes.” The DJ smiles out over the crowd. “Okay, well, I’ve got it right here.” He waves the white envelope in his hand. “So, without further ado.” He tears it open, pulling out what looks like two index cards. “This year’s prom king is....” he pauses for dramatic effect. “Callum Hansen.”

  The entire room erupts in applause and cheers. But not me. Me? Well, I wish I could crawl into a hole somewhere and never come out.