Where the Night Ends Read online

  I know I’m the one doing the hurting here, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me to do it. It doesn’t mean that the part of me that loves Bennett isn’t already mourning the loss of him. No matter how sure I am about what I want it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve loved the man standing in front of me for the better part of almost two years, and I’m going to miss him horribly.

  “I-I don’t understand. Why did you say yes? Why did you agree to move in with me? Why do any of it if you were just planning on leaving me anyway?”

  “I wasn’t planning for this. In fact, it’s something I hadn’t decided until earlier today. I meant it when I said yes. I do love you, Bennett.”

  “If you loved me you wouldn’t be doing this right now.” The first sign of anger sparks in his voice.

  “It’s not that simple,” I try to explain.

  “Sebastian,” he cuts in, his eyes full of questions and hurt.

  There’s nothing I can do or say, I know the truth is written all over my face.

  “How long has this been going on? Have you been seeing him behind my back?”

  “Of course not. I would never do that to you. It’s not something that’s been going on for a certain period of time, more like something that I buried and refused to face. I know it’s hard to understand, and I’m sure right now you probably hate me, but please know that at the end of the day I’m sparing us both. I never could’ve made you happy, not truly, not when my heart exists somewhere else.”

  “I don’t know what to say.” Bennett takes a step back, shaking his head like he’s still trying to process it all.

  “Don’t say anything. Just let me go.” I reach out and take his hand, turning his palm upright before depositing the engagement ring he gave me into it. I close his fingers around the ring and mine around his hand.

  He looks down at our point of contact and then back up to my face, the emotion so evident in his eyes that I nearly lose my ability to go through with this. It’s hard, saying goodbye to someone like Bennett, knowing the pain and shock I’m sure he’s feeling. But at the end of the day, I know this is the right thing for both of us.

  He opens his mouth like he wants to say something—maybe even try to convince me to stay—but then he closes it without a word. The moment stretches on for what feels like forever, his brown eyes locked on mine, a mixture of both anger and sadness behind them.

  “Go,” he finally says, pulling his hand away from mine.

  “Bennett.”

  “Go, Tess.” He raises his voice, a slight shake to it. “Don’t make this any worse than it already is. Just leave. Please.”

  I bite my bottom lip, willing myself not to say another word as I nod only once and silently back away, slipping into my Jeep seconds later.

  I wish I could say it was easy—pulling away from that curb—watching a man I agreed to marry just one week ago disappear in my rearview mirror, knowing I’d likely never see him again. But it wasn’t. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

  Nothing about any of this is easy. And while I’ve gotten through the part I was dreading the most, there’s still the matter of Sebastian and the worry that maybe I’m too late. Maybe last week was his breaking point and I pushed him too far. Maybe this is all for not. Maybe…

  And while that thought sparks fear deep inside me, I also know that I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t at least take the chance.

  ***

  “You’re sure about this?” Bree looks up at the apartment building and then back to where I’m sitting in the passenger seat of her car.

  I arrived in California two days ago. After realizing that Sebastian had changed his phone number and Courtney had no idea what his address was, I had to resort to contacting his mother. To say that was an unpleasant conversation is quite the understatement, but at the end of it, I did manage to get Sebastian’s address out of her; though truthfully, I didn’t think she was going to give it to me.

  Now, sitting next to Bree, looking up at the brick six-story building in front of me, I realize that making that phone call was nothing compared to what I’m about to do now. My stomach is a mass of nervous knots, and I swear my hands have never sweated so much in my life. My nerves, which I thought couldn’t get any worse when I woke this morning, only intensified on the hour drive down from where Bree lives.

  I’m an absolute total wreck. It’s not lost on me that this is very possibly the way Sebastian felt when he came to me. I just hope this visit will end up with a different result than his previous two.

  “I’m sure,” I finally manage to answer Bree’s question, letting out a slow breath as I look back in her direction.

  She gives me a warm smile and reaches out to pat my leg. Everything about her is so motherly now. From the way she acts to the way she looks, you would never guess that just five years ago she was a wild child who rocked a red bob and always sported thick black eyeliner and short skirts.

  There’s no trace of that girl anymore, at least not on the outside. Her red hair is now back to her natural brown and hangs a few inches past her shoulders. She usually keeps it tied back in a low pony, but today she has it down and wavy. She’s traded in her dark eyes and bright lips for more neutral tones and clear lip gloss, and her short skirts have been swapped for cute jeans and flowy tops.

  But even with all that, even with how much she’s changed and grown, I still see little pieces of the old Bree that shine through. She might have grown up and traded in her bad girl ways, but she is still the same spitfire she’s always been; she just reins it in more now.

  “You can do this, Tess,” she reassures me. “Just walk up there, knock on his door, and tell him you love him.”

  “Just like that.” I laugh nervously. “You make it sound so easy.”

  “He loves you, and you love him. If you both focus on that it should be easy.”

  I nod, mustering a small smile. “I hope you’re right.”

  “Only one way to find out.” She looks up at the building and then back to me. “Go, you got this.”

  “You’ll keep your phone on you in case I need you to come back?” I ask for the tenth time.

  “Yes, now stop stalling and go.”

  “Okay.” I let out another deep breath before pushing open the car door and climbing out, Bree shouting words of encouragement my way until I close the door.

  The walk up to Sebastian’s apartment is like a blur. By the time I reach his door my entire body is shaking, and I’m fairly certain that had I eaten anything today it would now be on the shiny hallway floor rather than in my stomach.

  I take a deep breath in and slowly let it out at least five times before I manage to reach out and rap on the door with my knuckles.

  I can hear movement inside almost instantly followed by the sound of footsteps, each one getting louder the closer they get to the door. My breath lodges in my throat, and I squeeze my hands together in anticipation.

  This is it.

  This is what everything has led up to.

  This is the moment of truth.

  “Tess?” I hear Ant say seconds after he pulls the front door of my apartment open.

  At first, I think I’m hearing things; there’s no way he just said what I think he said, but then he opens the door wider I damn near hit the floor at the sight of her.

  Tess…

  She looks so fucking beautiful in a pale yellow sundress, her hair falling around her shoulders. The sight of her takes my breath away, as cliché as that sounds.

  I’m standing in the kitchen which is open to the rest of the apartment, unable to move a fucking muscle. I feel paralyzed, in complete and utter shock. Seeing her standing inside of my apartment is absolutely the last thing I expected.

  “Hi, Ant.” She gives my friend a small smile, purposely keeping her gaze on him as he closes the door and joins her in the living room.

  “What are you doing all the way out here? I thought you were still in New York.” He gives
her a quick one-armed hug, meeting my gaze over the top of her head.

  “I’ve been at Bree’s the last couple of days. She only lives about an hour north of here.”

  “I didn’t realize she was so close,” he quickly adds.

  “Neither did I.” Her gaze darts around nervously.

  She couldn’t look more uncomfortable if she were standing on a rug of hot coals. It’s painfully obvious that she’s terrified to be here right now. She looks around the space, her eyes touching my face for only a brief moment before she sets her gaze back on Anthony.

  Ant looks almost as uncomfortable, glancing at me and then back to Tess who knots her hands in front of herself, not saying anything else.

  The tension in the room so thick it’s damn near suffocating.

  “Uh…” Ant rocks back on his heels, finally breaking the awkward moment. “I’m gonna…” He looks between the two of us. “I’m gonna take off for a bit, let you kids catch up.” He shoots me a knowing look before grabbing his wallet and keys off the breakfast bar. “It was good seeing you, Tess,” he calls over his shoulder as he makes his way toward the door.

  “Yeah, you too,” she offers, watching him exit the apartment without another word.

  It feels like an eternity from the point that the door latches closed to when her gaze finally finds mine, by which point I’ve grown extremely anxious.

  “I didn’t know he was staying here.” Out of everything she could say, I didn’t expect those words to be the first out of her mouth.

  “Yeah, he’s been here a few months.” I shrug, not sure what else to say.

  “It must be nice, having a familiar face around I mean. Does he plan on staying in California permanently?”

  The last thing I want to talk about right now is Ant, but I force myself to answer her anyway.

  “I don’t think he’s a hundred percent sure at this point.”

  “I see.” She looks around the apartment, doing everything she can to avoid my gaze.

  As much as I want to let her work her way into telling me whatever it is she’s doing here, if I have to exist in this awkward in between stage for even a second longer I just might fucking burst.

  “What are you doing here?” I don’t mean for it to come out as harshly as it does. It leaves my mouth on a rush, and I immediately suck in a sharp breath preparing for her answer.

  “I needed to see you,” she offers apologetically.

  “How did you even know where to find me?”

  “Your mom.”

  “You called my mom?” I can’t help the impressed grin that pulls at my mouth, but it does nothing to quell the uncertainty inside me.

  She shrugs. “You didn’t give me much of a choice.”

  “I didn’t realize you needed a choice,” I answer truthfully. “I thought you had already made yours.”

  “You changed your phone number,” she observes, hurt evident in those beautiful blue eyes of hers.

  “We said all we needed to say. I walked away ready to leave you behind, but in order to do that, I had to make sure that I made a clean break. No way to contact you or you me—no more of the back and forth. It was the only way I could think to even give myself a fighting chance.”

  “And is that what you still want? To leave me behind?” She shuffles from one foot to the other, clearly very nervous.

  Fuck—I’m nervous, too. My heart is pounding relentlessly against my ribs, and I swear I haven’t taken a real breath since she walked in the door.

  “You didn’t give me much of a choice,” I bite, crossing around the kitchen counter to stand at the edge of the living room just feet from where Tess is.

  “That’s not what I asked.” She shakes her head, taking a hesitant step toward me. “Do you still want to leave me behind?”

  “What does it matter, you’re with someone else?” I grind out, my entire body tensing as she takes another step and then another until she’s standing just a foot in front of me, her eyes locked on mine.

  “What if I weren’t, would it make a difference?”

  My heart beats even faster. Every single thing that ran through my mind the moment I laid eyes on her now seems within my grasp, and yet I’m hesitant to accept it so easily. We’ve done this song and dance before, and the last thing I want to do is get my hopes up and think she’s offering something that she’s not.

  “That depends, are you still planning to marry…” I pause when I realize I don’t even remember the fucker’s name.

  “Bennett,” she clarifies.

  “I don’t care,” I snip, growing even more impatient.

  “No.” She shakes her head softly. “I’m not going to marry him.”

  “And does he know this?” I question, a tight knot forming at the base of my throat.

  “He does.”

  She takes another step, leaving just inches between us. She’s so close I can smell her sweet scent, hear the sound of her shallow breath, feel the tension seeping off of her. And yet not one part of our bodies is touching, a fact I’m acutely aware of.

  “Now answer the question,” she adds. “Do you still want to leave me behind?”

  I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, thinking over my response before actually speaking it.

  “I never wanted that. Not ever. But I didn’t see another way.”

  “You were right when you said I was scared. I was, I still am. But I finally realized that living a life without you was a hell of a lot scarier than the risk that I might lose you again.”

  “What are you saying, Tess?”

  “I’m saying I love you. I’m saying that not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about you. I’m saying that you’ve been with me—a part of me—since that first night on that balcony. I gave you my heart back then Sebastian, and I don’t ever want you to give it back.”

  “I never planned to anyway.” I grin, allowing my fingers to brush down her forearm, her skin prickling under my touch.

  “I’m sorry it took me so long to find my way back to you,” she whispers, eyes welling with unshed tears.

  “I’m sorry I let you go to begin with.” I bring my hand up to cup the side of her face, feeling the overwhelming urge to pinch myself to make sure this is real.

  “Don’t ever do it again okay?” She half laughs, half cries, the sound coming out a little jumbled mess of emotion.

  “Never.” It’s the last word off my tongue before my lips land on hers.

  It’s soft and hesitant at first, but then quickly morphs into something else entirely. Tess has a way of lighting my body on fire, and feeling her mouth pressed to mine for the first time in over four years has my entire body engulfed in the burn. I relish in the pain, in the pleasure, in the unspoken promise the kiss holds.

  I put it all out there. I bleed everything I am into that kiss, willing Tess to feel how much I love her—how much I’ve always loved her.

  I never expected Tess. Not five years ago, not a year ago—not today. I never planned for her to change my life the way she has. I didn’t expect it or want it, but the moment I touched her, tasted her, felt her heart beating against mine; I knew there was no going back. I had no idea just how right I had been.

  I pull Tess closer, kiss her harder, afraid that the moment I open my eyes she’ll be gone; that this will have all just been some cruel dream, and I’ll wake up to find myself staring at the same painful reality that I was yesterday. That I’ve lost her forever.

  Only I know that’s not true. I can feel it in my bones, in the way blood pumps through my veins, in the trail of heat Tess’ touch brings to the surface; I know it’s real. And while it’s still hard to wrap my head around—I know she really is here, touching me, kissing me, whispering she loves me against my lips.

  It’s everything I’ve dreamed of since the moment I lost her. Only now I appreciate it all a little more. The sweet noises she makes when my tongue slides against hers. The way her fingers tangle in my hair. The way her body responds to me
as if it were made for my touch. All things I took for granted before. All things I overlooked because I thought they’d always be there. These are the things I’ve missed most of all.

  When we finally break apart, my forehead resting against hers, our breathing labored and hearts clamoring, there are no words left to speak. Even after all this time, Tess still knows me better than anyone has ever known me. And right now, she knows that every single word I’ve said to her over the past couple of years has been true. I know she can feel it— she can feel me, just as I can her.

  It’s strange to go from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs in the matter of minutes, but that’s what Tess has always done to me. I wish I could say it scares the hell out of me to have a person hold so much power over me, honestly, it probably should. But in this moment, with Tess pressed against me—her blue eyes boring into mine, her soft hair on my fingertips—fear is the absolute last thing I feel.

  Maybe it’s because I’m a glutton for punishment. Maybe it’s because I truly believe that Tess is the person I’m meant to spend my life with. Or maybe it’s because no matter the outcome, having Tess even for a short time is better than not having her at all.

  Every moment, every touch, every kiss is a blessing that I will never take for granted. Because at the end of the day I know what it means to live without her, and I never intend to do it again.

  I’ve dreamt of this moment—wished for it, prayed for it—but never truly believed it would ever be again.

  Sebastian is sitting next to me in the sand, his jeans rolled up to his knees as the water washes up over our feet.

  We’ve been sitting out here for hours. At first, we talked—a lot. We talked about college and friends. We talked about Bennett and some of the girls of Sebastian’s past. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but it was a necessary one. In order to fully put the past behind us, we had to lay it all on the table. The more we talked the more we seemed to understand the other person’s stance on things.