A Thousand Cuts (CELL BLOCK C) Read online

  Climbing into bed, I pull the blanket up around me as I nuzzle into Ryland’s hoodie, letting myself get lost in his scent.

  An hour ago I felt nervous and anxious over everything. Ryland. Oscar. School. All of it. But as I close my eyes and drift off to sleep, I feel more at peace than I have in a very long time.

  I guess that should be my first indicator that making amends with Ryland was the right thing to do. My life hasn’t felt the same since he left and I don’t think anything will feel okay again until we’re okay. So, despite everything that’s happened, I need to find a way to make us right again.

  I owe it to the little girl who worshipped him and to the woman who still loves him, in spite of everything he’s done.

  Chapter 10

  Ainsley

  Five years ago...

  I pace back and forth across the front lawn of my school. Ryland was supposed to be here to pick me up over an hour ago and still hasn’t shown. I waited inside for a while, but eventually was forced outside when Ms. Ilg needed to lock up the school and head home.

  She offered to give me a ride, but I reassured her that my ride would be here any minute. That was a half an hour ago.

  I stay late nearly every Thursday to utilize the school’s extensive library. It’s one of the nicest features of our school. And every Thursday at five o’clock, Ryland is here to pick me up. Which is why I’m starting to panic. He’s so late and neither he nor Finn are picking up their cell phones.

  When I see a dark truck pull into the lot, a wave of relief runs through me.

  Finally.

  Only when the passenger window rolls down I see that it’s not Ryland in the driver’s seat.

  “Charlotte?” I question, confused as to why Ryland’s cousin has his truck and why she’s here and not him.

  “Get in.” She jerks her chin.

  I hesitate for a brief moment before doing as she says, quickly climbing into Ryland’s truck.

  “What are you doing here? Where’s Ryland?” I ask, concern evident in my voice as I drop my book bag on the floorboard and quickly snap my seatbelt into place.

  “He and Finn are at the police station,” she says, quickly pulling out of the parking lot.

  “What do you mean they’re at the police station?” I gape in her direction.

  “Exactly what I said. They’re at the police station. They’ve been arrested.”

  Charlotte is a little rough around the edges. The kind of girl that dresses in all black, has tattoos and piercings galore, and doesn’t have a bullshit bone in her body. She’s straight and to the point, no matter what’s going on. Which sometimes isn’t always a good thing, and partly why Ryland has very little to do with her. She’s someone you can only take in small doses. But right now, her unapologetic honesty is exactly what I need.

  “Arrested?” I choke out, still not sure I heard her right. “Why would they be arrested?”

  “I don’t know all the details. Something about a drug deal and an undercover cop. He didn’t have much time to explain. He only got one short phone call and he opted to call me after Finn couldn’t reach you. He asked me to pick you up and take you home. He said he’d call later with more information.”

  My mind drifts back to the unknown call I received shortly after I arrived in the library. I ignored it, as I usually do. Ninety-nine percent of the time it’s either spam or a wrong number. And since he didn’t leave a message...

  “Wait. Did you say drug deal?” My mind swirls back through what all she just told me.

  I feel like I’m moving at a snail’s pace. Like everything is coming at me in rapid fire but my brain isn’t able to process it at the same speed.

  “I’m not sure what happened. I told you pretty much everything I know.”

  “And Finn. He’s there, too.” I need to confirm, because this isn’t possible.

  “That’s what Ryland said. I was given specific instructions to drive you home and to stay with you until Finn arrived.”

  “Stay with me. Why would you need to stay with me?”

  “Look, kid, I don’t know. All I know is that Ryland was pretty riled up and was adamant that you are not to be left alone.”

  Despite everything she’s telling me, and that being alone is probably the last thing I need to be, I think I’d prefer it over being forced to stay with a woman who clearly doesn’t possess an ounce of compassion.

  I’m on the verge of a panic attack and she has the nerve to be aggravated at me for asking questions. I never questioned the reason why I didn’t like her, but the feeling has grown substantially over the last two minutes.

  Afraid to ask anything more, I sit in twisted silence for the remainder of the fifteen-minute drive home. When we pull into my driveway, I can’t get out of the truck fast enough.

  Unfortunately, once inside, things don’t get any better. I pace the living room, checking my phone every two minutes, while Charlotte lounges on the couch flipping through a magazine like she doesn’t have a care in the world.

  I’m so infuriated with her behavior and lack of knowledge or care about what’s going on that I have to stop myself from laying into her several times over the course of the evening.

  I’ve worried myself so sick that I’ve become physically ill twice, my stomach so out of sorts that I’m not able to hold anything down. Something that’s only made a hell of a lot worse by my present company.

  When the front door opens right after nine, I nearly jump out of my skin. I take off toward the front of the house, practically plowing into Finn as he enters the living room.

  “Where the hell have you been?” I wrap my arms around his torso, squeezing him with every ounce of power I have in me. “Charlotte said you were arrested.” I pull back, ready to demand answers.

  “Charlotte should learn to keep her mouth shut and follow instructions.” Finn throws an angry glare her way.

  “Hey, he said to pick her up and stay with her.” She pushes to a stand. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

  “And clearly only making things worse. You can go now.” Finn’s tone holds an unbelievable amount of annoyance and anger.

  “Tell Ryland the next time he needs help to call someone else.” She snags her jacket off the back of the couch and stalks toward the door.

  “Don’t worry. I will,” Finn snarls, his gaze locked on her as she exits the house without another word.

  He waits a few long seconds before turning back to me, by which time I feel even more confused about what the hell is going on.

  “Have you eaten? Are you hungry?” He looks me over with concern.

  “I’m more concerned with where you’ve been.”

  “Come on.” He hooks an arm over my shoulder and guides me into the kitchen. “I’ll make you something to eat.”

  “Finn, I’m fifteen. If I was hungry, I could have made something for myself. Now stop stalling and tell me what the hell is going on. Why were you in jail and where is Ryland?” I demand, pushing his arm off of my shoulder as I turn to face him.

  Finn runs a hand through his hair, blowing out a heavy breath as he tries to find the right words.

  “Ryland and I had some errands to run. He told me he had a package to drop off on the way. I thought nothing of it. Turns out the package was a large duffle bag full of prescription drugs.”

  “That can’t be right. Ryland would never sell drugs,” I interject, finding this information so preposterous I can’t even begin to entertain that it might be true.

  “The guy he was selling to turned out to be an undercover cop. He arrested Ryland on the spot and me right along with him.”

  “Wait.” I stop him, not able to ignore the feeling in my gut that he’s not giving me the full truth. “He arrested you both?”

  “Because I was with Ryland, he assumed I knew what was in the bag. But I didn’t. Until they could investigate further, they took us both to the station. It wasn’t until Ryland insisted I had no knowledge of it that they finally decided to le
t me go.”

  “And Ryland?”

  “No idea.” He shakes his head, his expression more conflicted than I think I’ve ever seen it. “The officer who released me said they’ll set a court appearance sometime in the next day or two, and that official charges will be filed at that time.”

  “So he’s stuck in there?” My instinct is to go to him. To find a way to help him. I haven’t even stopped for one second to consider what he’s done. Only that he’s not here and I need him with me. “For how long? How long will he be there, Finn?”

  “He’s looking at some pretty serious charges, Ains.” He reaches around and squeezes the back of his neck.

  “What kind of charges? How long is he going to be in there?” I fire off questions without waiting for a response.

  “I don’t know.”

  “How long, Finn?” I stomp my foot, my temper flaring.

  “From what the officer told me, he could be facing somewhere around ten years.”

  “Ten years?” I stumble backward, my head spinning.

  “He may not get that. We will just have to see what the official charges are. Ryland’s never been in any real trouble before. Maybe the judge will go easy on him.”

  “Ten years,” I repeat, unable to process anything else.

  “It’s possible.” Finn’s shoulders sag forward as he slides down into one of the old, wooden kitchen chairs.

  I numbly take the seat across from him, knowing deep in my gut that I won’t be seeing Ryland again for a very, very long time. And the thought is downright paralyzing.

  Chapter 11

  Ainsley

  “So that’s it? You two are friends again?” Lily asks, following me to the drink station behind the bar.

  “I wouldn’t say we’re friends,” I correct her. “But I am trying to let go of the past.”

  “Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing. Carrying around grudges only weighs you down. And you, my dear, carry enough weight as it is.”

  “Is that your way of calling me fat?” I laugh, filling two glasses with ice before setting them on the counter. Reaching for the handheld soda dispenser, I fill one cup with Sprite and the other with Coke.

  “Oh shut up. You know that’s not what I meant.” She playfully smacks my arm, causing liquid to spill over the side of one of the glasses I’ve picked up. “I’m just saying, you are the most stressed out twenty-year-old I’ve ever met. Anything you can do to lessen the load is for the better.”

  “The most stressed out?” I quirk a brow at her.

  “Don’t look at me like it’s not true. You know it is.” Lily’s eyebrow raises.

  “Well if you’ll excuse me, this stress ball needs to get these drinks to her table.” I slide past her and around the counter, heading back into the dining room.

  Lily and I have been discussing my conversation with Ryland in short intervals over the course of our five-hour shift. Because we haven’t had any real time to sit down and talk, I’ve filled her in with bits and pieces as the evening has progressed. She seems to be happy with my decision to forgive Ryland, and honestly so am I.

  I feel lighter today than I have in a very long time. And I think it’s because I’ve finally admitted to myself that it wasn’t just Ryland that screwed up all those years ago. It was me, too. Because while he may have made a very questionable choice that landed him in a world of trouble, I was the one that turned my back on him when he needed me the most.

  “So, does this mean I can come over and check out your hottie more often now that you two have kissed and made up?” Lily asks after I’ve returned from my table and am busy entering their order into the computer system.

  “One, we did not kiss and make up,” I say, no matter how much I can’t deny that I wish we had. I shake off the thought. “And two, no, you cannot come over to ogle him. So, unless you’re offering your services in the way of finals studying, you are not allowed to come over until my exams are out of the way next week,” I tell her, laughing when she pulls in a dramatic breath and steps back like I’ve truly offended her.

  “And here I thought we were best friends.”

  “We are.” I chuckle. “And as such, it is your job to help me stay on task, not distract me with your shenanigans.”

  “Shenanigans.” She scoffs.

  “Are you denying that you’re the queen of distractions?” I gesture to the computer, trying to make my point.

  “Ugh.” She groans. “You are no fun.”

  “If I wasn’t so concerned with everything else I have going on, I might be offended by that statement. But right now, I can’t argue it. The time for fun will be at the end of finals.”

  “At which time, I’m coming over with a bottle of tequila and we are going to celebrate.”

  “Oh no you don’t.” I send my order through and turn toward her. “The last time we celebrated with tequila, I spent two days nursing the world’s worst hangover.”

  I have been drunk a total of two times in my life. Both times were at the hands of Lily, and both times left me hugging the toilet at the end of the night. I blame her love of hard liquor. Maybe I need to find a new drinking buddy.

  “And?” She crosses her arms in front of herself.

  “And, I have no desire to repeat it.”

  “Well, unfortunately for you, I’m a horrible listener.” She smiles so wide it nearly splits her face apart.

  “Ainsley, Lily, get back to work.” We both turn in unison to see the shift manager Kevin watching us from the window of the kitchen.

  “Yes, boss.” Lily rocks up onto her tiptoes before turning, throwing me a playful wink, and sauntering off toward the dining room.

  I roll my eyes and shake my head, stuffing my order tablet back into the front pocket of my apron before following after her to check on my tables while I wait for my last two orders to come up.

  ——

  “Longest shift ever,” Lily groans as we exit the restaurant right after nine. “Seriously. Is it just me or does it feel like these shifts keep getting slower?”

  “It probably doesn’t help that you insist on looking at the clock every five minutes. Haven’t you ever heard the saying about boiling water?”

  “No? What saying?” she asks, following me across the street where both of our cars are parked.

  “The one where...” My words die in my throat when I turn and see Oscar jogging across the street after us.

  “The one where...” Lily prompts me to continue before registering the look on my face. She turns to see what I’m looking at right as Oscar reaches us.

  “Hey, Ainsley. I was just having dinner with some friends and I saw you come out. Thought I’d come say hi.” He gives me almost the exact same excuse he did yesterday when we ran into each other at the end of my shift.

  “Oh, that’s nice.” I have to fight to roll my eyes. “Where were you guys eating?”

  “Just over there.” He points in the direction of the café but doesn’t name a specific place. My bullshit meter starts pinging like crazy.

  “Lily, this is Oscar,” I say in a way I know she’ll understand but he likely won’t pick up on.

  Her eyes widen slightly but then an easy smile slides across her face.

  “Hi, Oscar.” She turns, offering him her hand. “I’m Lily.”

  “It’s a pleasure, Lily.” He turns on the same charm that once had me eating out of the palm of his hand, but now sours my stomach. He shakes her hand and then releases it, his gaze swinging back to me. “What are you up to tonight? Got time to hang out for a little while.”

  “Actually, Lily and I were getting ready to head back to my place to study,” I lie, knowing Lily will cover for me.

  “Oh cool. You need any extra help?” he offers, which I suspected he would.

  “No, we’ve got it. You should get back to your friends.” I try to keep my responses light and carefree, even though on the inside I feel the lines tightening.

  “Yeah.” Hi
s expression falls. “Okay, then.” He takes a step back. “Tomorrow maybe?”

  “I wish I could, but I have class tomorrow.” It’s the truth, but even if I was free there’s no way I would agree to hang out with him

  “Well, if you change your mind I’d love to see you.” He lets me off easy because Lily is here. Otherwise he probably wouldn’t be so understanding.

  “Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.” I throw up an awkward wave as he turns and jogs back across the street. I try to watch where he goes but I lose sight of him after he passes Milo’s.

  “What are the odds that he just happens to be coming out of a restaurant with his parents one night and his friends the next night, both times as your shift is ending?” Lily pulls my attention back to her, her mind clearly going in the exact same direction as mine.

  “My thoughts exactly.”

  “You need to be careful while he’s in town. He may not be a threat to you a state away, but he’s clearly still holding onto some kind of hope where you’re concerned. Best not to ruffle his feathers too much while he’s here.”

  “I’m trying not to.” I blow out a puff of air.

  “Well, until he’s gone I don’t think you should be going anywhere alone. Even if it’s just me tagging along with you.”

  “Agreed.” I nod, unlocking my car door before pulling it open. It squeals per usual.

  “Call me when you’re home and don’t stop anywhere,” she tells me, unlocking her own car door.

  “Yes, ma’am.” I give her a smile and a wave before sliding into the driver’s seat.

  ——

  “Knock, knock.” I rap lightly against Ryland’s bedroom door. Because it’s not latched, the door swings open and I’m offered the full view of Ryland, stretched out in his bed, his back propped against the headboard, reading a book of all things.

  “Hey.” He looks up from the paperback in his hands.

  “Hey.” I smile, gesturing to his book. “Am I seeing things or is Ryland Thorpe reading a book right now?” I chuckle, taking a few steps into the room.